1. |
The Binoculars of Hate
04:01
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I've got a brand new pair of swanky binos
Striding along the clifftop like a rhino
There's another dinghy
My binoculars hone in on it.
Well, it's a Nikon Prostaff 35, 10 x 42
I've got such important work to do
With skill and with stealth, I hide behind a rock
I'm gonna make this invasion stop
A man throws a cellphone overboard
Don't believe them when they say they're poor
My super lenses have spotted
the Samsungs in their pockets
Let me read my notebook jottings, folks
2 rafts, 5 women, 8 kids and 16 blokes.
I'm doing for Queen and country
what the navy refuses to do
My YouTube video is coming out soon
I will not shirk in the face of my High Noon
Outrage, it gushes like a river
My amphibian jowl flaps quiver
Everybody now;
"Your binoculars are great."
I'm a stirrer and a stitcher
I'm an immigrant twitcher
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2. |
I'm not Paul McGrath
05:26
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I'm not Paul McGrath
I could never go that far
There's Domestos under my sink
But Domestos I will never drink
I'm not Oliver Reed
I could never get that peed
I can confirm when I'm on the lash
Don't take that much to make me crash
I've got to give my liver a break
I'm not Peter O'Toole
A bottle of gin makes me a fool
My constitution is run-of-the-mill
My delicate bowels hate overkill
I'm no Hasselhoff
Too much whisky just makes me cough
The acid reflux goes down the wrong way
I'll have another one anyway
I've got to give my liver a break
"Pour me another one."
"No, you'll be sick."
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3. |
The Telescope of Love
02:48
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I love everybody ever
I love everybody ever
But I just can't get to you
My heart breaks when I see you
'Don't do that,' I plead
'It's just not what you need.'
But you will never hear
Or see me shed a tear
Your scientists were right
You can't pass the speed of light
Even a message would take too long
I can see you, I flail towards you
But I just can't get to you
I just can't get to you
I just can't get to you
I just can't get to you
I just can't get to you
I just can't get to you
I just can't get to you
I just can't get to you
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4. |
Sugar Puffs
03:19
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Don't call him the Honey Monster
Because the monster is a funster
I like to feel ethereal
When I eat my breakfast cereal
Dark clowns are not so funny
Less fun than runny honey
First names have gotten jaded
When the novelty has faded
The monster has the odd altercation
But he doesn't want to lead the nation
And in providing waffles of honey
You get value for your money
So, economically
They're very different, you see
No cheating nor rip-off merchantry
Just fun and fluff and pleasantry
Don't call him the Honey Monster
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5. |
Brownbow's Hyperbole
02:24
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Late Night Movies by the Doctors of Madness is the greatest album ever made
As an artist Ollie Hardy stands alongside Van Gogh, you will not dissuade
Brownbow's hyperbole
The Midnight Groovers are the most fantastic band that ever walked the Earth
Any suggestions that Domino isn't the greatest are just absurd
Brownbow's hyperbole
The Seventh Seal is the greatest work of art in the history of the world
Old Tom's performance in The Reptile is the most important I've ever observed
Brownbow's hyperbole
"I will leave no stone unturned."
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6. |
Noor Inayat Khan
01:57
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Born in Russia
Bloomsbury bound
With an American mother
and a Sufi father
I don't know if I would be here
I don't know if I would be here
I don't know if I would be here
I don't know if I would be here, here without people like her ...
She was no spy
She was quite shy
Which made it braver
No predicament graver
I don't know if I would be here
I don't know if I would be here
I don't know if I would be here
I don't know if I would be here, here without people like her ...
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7. |
Thicker than Me
03:04
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Young People
always on their phones
Young People
seventeen screens
Young People
they cancel me
Young People
Always watching TV
Young People
they're thicker than me
Young People
they're thicker than me
Young People
exams are too easy
Young People
they're thicker than me
Young People
they're unkind
Young People
they're too soft
As Cat Stevens said
'It's your fault you're young.'
My Generation
We know what's what
My Generation
We call a spade a spade
My Generation
Ian McNabb
My Generation
David Icke
My Generation
they call it right
Young People
they never read
Young People
they never walk
Young People
in the country
Young People
they wear masks
Young People
eat health foods
My generation
in my day
My generation
we had a laugh
People like Greta
telling us what to do
People like Malala
always telling us what to do
they're thicker than me
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8. |
Abortion!
04:31
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Alabama could review focus on grocery tax as food prices rise
"What do you think? What do you think, John?"
"Abortion!"
Book about cats, it fetches eleven thousand bucks for my library
"What do you think? What do you think, Mike?"
"Abortion!"
Southern Kentucky; a man charged with murder was a suspect in an earlier attack
"What do you think? What do you think, Ron?"
"Abortion!"
FBI agents warning against a new online scam in North Arkansas
"What do you think? What do you think, Biff?"
Governor Parsons issues emergency order in response to the drought
"What do you think? What do you think, Hank?"
Former Utah football star Jordan Wilmore has found a new club
"What do you think? What do you think, Kent?"
"Abortion!"
Dallas, Texas; WHO declares a monkeypox emergency
"What do you think? What do you think, Seth?"
"Abortion!"
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9. |
Formby's Admonishment
03:50
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Brownbow:
The anti-anti-lockdown blues
Don't come away from it too soon
The birds are singing in the trees
Flycatchers nesting on my knees
The enveloping silence is a dream
All cars have gone now, it would seem
The office seems so far away
Back in time and along in space
And far away is where it needs to stay
The anti-anti-lockdown blues
I feel quite happy with my shoes
Locked in the closet for a while
See you later, crocodile
As Jimmy Nail would say
I'm not a misanthropic dude
I didn't mean to be so rude
I like to see a person's face
Just not too many in one place
Formby:
It's fine for you to talk like that
You're in a house and not a flat
My best pal's a mother of five
Stuck in a two-room dive
She's better off back on the train
Doing the same things again and again
Than cramped inside her little space
With noise and toys all over the place
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10. |
Hats off to Sloths
04:14
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Back then, sloths the size of double-decker buses wouldn't have been so cute,
And in a certain baobab jungle, one of them ruled the roost
Her toes like knives and fingernails that could rip a foe to shreds,
Meant this sloth was peaceful when sleeping in her bed
But then a sabre-toothed tiger set out one day to find her
Her severed hand he'd bring,
And that would make him king
She was sleeping on a trunk
The tiger crept up drunk on a gallon of raw guts
They fought through a hundred cuts
The sloth knew she would lose,
So gathered all her strength and gathered up her children
Then ran away, hellbent on shaking off the beast
With speed to match at least that tiger's grisly thighs
They ran beneath starred skies
She flicked back dust and stones into the tiger's face
Chinchillas, bark and bones were hurled at him with pace
They leapt boulders, dunes and trees
The chase lasted all night
A sparkling ocean blocked their path
The sloth would have to fight
"Got you now," said the tiger
His sabres smugly glinting
The sloth was cooly pondering,
Upon her brain imprinting a certain trajectory
She gazed across the sea
An island's trees were blowing
A storm was quickly growing
The tiger leapt, but the sloth leapt higher
And nearly brushed the moon
As tired as ageing turtle skin
Some sloths thumped on a dune
The tiger shook his head
Respect inside him grew
"Fair play," you dagger-toed bastard
"I give credit where it's due."
The mother sloth was so beat
That the youngsters had to eat
For a while without her help
They nibbled slimy kelp
Until they climbed a tree
Delicious were the leaves
So delicious in fact,
that with bloody-mindedness worthy of their mum,
they just decided not to grow anymore,
staying treebound for the rest of their long, slow, beatific lives
This is how the Megatherium evolved into the modern-day sloth
WHY SLOTHS ARE HOW THEY ARE!
WHY SLOTHS ARE HOW THEY ARE!
WHY SLOTHS ARE HOW THEY ARE!
WHY SLOTHS ARE HOW THEY ARE!
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11. |
Satchel
04:32
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Satchel, yeah Satchel,
Dog is Love
Satchel, yeah Satchel,
Dog is Love
Satchel, yeah Satchel,
Dog is Love
Satchel, yeah Satchel,
Dog is Love
To be kind is the most important thing
To be kind is the most important thing
Kindness in young people, kindness in the old
Kindness in the in-between
'Cos Satchel's not really a dog
He's a symbol for the naïve
Yes, he's a Labrador
But really he's a troubadour
Singing for the naïve
Yes, he's a Labrador
But really he's a troubadour
Singing for the naïve
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12. |
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I used to hang with Brownbow
He always let me down though, he gets on my nerves
The last time I saw Ricketts
He was stuffing crickets into his mouth
The last time I saw Boswell
He'd just got back from Roswell, but was it him?
The last time I saw Ferris
He was in Llanberis taking drugs
The last time I saw Simon
He thought he was Bill Wyman, bought himself a bass
The last time I saw Jurgens
He helped me lift the burdens from under my skis
The last time I saw the Nibble
He was in a mountain of scribble, scribbling away
The last time I saw Maddox
He was stuck in Stafford - Stafford jail
The last time I saw Charlie
He was snorting Charlie from a Dali print
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